Special Memories

Somewhere near the middle of my second drift I turned unto a wide open road. There was a desolate corn field to my left and another one to my right. You see, I live in a town the native folks like to call Oconomowoc. Pretty much out in the middle of nowhere, there are many empty fields in the surrounding areas. Curious as to what kind of imagery these locations might possess, I decided to explore. At one point I struggled with my batteries, hoping to get a shot of a few geese flying from afar. I managed to capture a few seconds before the camera died again. Repeating the process, only this time much more frustrated, I noticed the geese heading my way. “Come on, I have to get this,!” I said as I attempted to warm the batteries in my hand, licking the ends over and over again. The birds landed on the same street I was on and began to walk toward me in a straight line. All at once I was baffled and angry, but completely at ease. As the birds continued to walk past me and down the side of the street, I just watched them. Because my camera was useless to me, I wasn’t preoccupied with trying to figure out the best angle to shoot them or how I would use the footage in my video. I recorded the memory with my own eyes and that in itself makes that experience much more meaningful to me.

Further along the same drift and almost at its end, I came across a small bridge over the Oconomowoc River. The sun was nearly setting and by this point my camera laid deep within its grave. As I watched the yellow light dancing across the shallow water, I reflected. Is this really what I want to do? I mean really, what am I trying to prove? I suppose I’ve always questioned if I’m heading in the right direction, but I think I may have found an answer during that brief moment. I have a complicated relationship with my family, so much so that I guess I try to avoid them. Maybe that’s how it all began or maybe it’s a reaction to it all, but in either case I realized my purpose. It isn’t to show the world how my mind works or what interests me or even anything that may be wrong within it. I make film just to make film. I do it to reveal to myself my strengths and weaknesses. I do it to create new experiences and challenges. Making film helps me understand myself at a more intimate level and if that isn’t the meaning of life, I don’t know what is.